My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
