I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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