there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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