It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize