Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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