at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
