are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
