38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
