turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
