We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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