This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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