She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
