i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
