I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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