part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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