this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
