We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
