chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
try to milk me bitch
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