I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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