I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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