the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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