just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize