I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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