I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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