his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
