Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
