I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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