I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
