I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
