You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize