she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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