My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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