goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
