he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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