I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
