True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
