What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
