You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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