We tried having a conversation with our noses.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
