Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
