I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
