$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
