I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
