My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
