She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
