Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize