he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
