what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
