I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize