I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
