My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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