I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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