guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
