Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
