No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
