A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
