Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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