I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
