I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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