So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
