Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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