found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize