I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
