ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
