I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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