I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
