I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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