I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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