he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
