where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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