He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
