trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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